Looking haggard, I pushed myself upright.

Yun stood as soon as he saw me sit up. He was wearing a lightweight windbreaker and joggers again today, looking ready to head out for his morning workout. No different from any other day.

I lifted my heavy eyelids and forced out a low, dull voice.

"Yun."

"For the record, those two had a lot of questions, so I made up a story for you."

His tone was as matter-of-fact as if he were telling me the day's schedule. Without changing it, he added,

"I told them you used to lead a political party."

"What?"

What the hell?

It was so absurd that my hoarse voice cleared. All trace of sleep vanished, and my swollen eyes flew wide open.

"Where did that come from? A party... You mean a political party? How did I become a party leader?"

"We needed a reason for you to know a major information broker."

Yun looked down at me as though I were asking the obvious. His cool eyes betrayed no particular emotion today, either.

"Keep the basics straight. Before you lost your memories, you led a now-defunct party. Everyone in it died, and that gave you a flashback that sent you to the bathroom to throw up."

"Of all the jobs you could have picked, why a party leader?"

"What, would you have been a lawyer or a doctor?"

"What about the game with me in it?"

"Same explanation. I said it seemed to be a work your party members had bestowed upon you."

"Did they believe you?"

"Probably not. But what are they going to do about it?"

My training officer made the point coldly.

I started to reply, then closed my mouth. He had a point. What could they do about it...? There was no chance the Old Spider would let any more information slip, and nowhere else to dig.

Colton was involved. That dangerous friend of mine would surely have eliminated everyone who knew what had happened back then.

Walker was bound to be suspicious of me and would investigate on his own, but however brilliant a fixer he had been, he would find nothing. Uncovering something the elders were determined to hide was all but impossible.

I let out a heavy sigh. Yet another ludicrous excuse had gotten me out of trouble. The lies were piling up, but there was no other choice. Anything concerning the elders and the Titans was a truth better left buried.

Still, the excuse was so far outside anything I'd imagined that it had thrown me a little. If the two seniors questioned me separately, I would have to lie through my teeth.

Having steeled myself, I set the issue of my seniors aside. Then I lowered my eyes and reflected on what I had learned yesterday. Self-loathing surged through me.

"Until now, I thought I must at least have had a reason for betraying them."

Eyes lowered, I spoke quietly, mocking myself.

"But to think I abandoned my own people when I was their leader... Whatever my reasons were, I don't think they could justify what I did."

"Just hand over the game first."

Ignoring my despondent muttering, Yun held out his palm.

This man, honestly...

I raised my head and gave my training officer a sulky look.

"Could you offer your heartbroken trainee a little comfort?"

"Why?"

Yun's eyes widened with puzzlement. Seeing the genuine uncertainty in them, I let my mouth fall slightly open.

Good God. He genuinely didn't understand.

I stared at my wide-eyed training officer in dismay.

"Well... We've just established that I was a complete piece of shit."

"How were you?"

"I was their leader, and I betrayed my own people instead of risking my life to protect them."

"How did you betray them?"

... Good question.

For a moment I was speechless. Then I answered blankly,

"I don't know the exact circumstances."

"Then why are you sitting there whining about something you don't even understand?"

"It's certain that I sided with humanity, though. I even put my sword in human hands myself and told them to kill Ray. It's like Yehyeon selling out the Badgers under his command."

"Do you remember who started the war?"

Yun's question was dispassionate. Sitting slumped on the cabin floor, I stared up at him.

I went back through my memories carefully, but once again, the crucial details eluded me. All that kept coming back were the fragments from the decrepit subway: the betrayal in the eyes of Kyle and my people.

I stopped rummaging through my memories and shook my head.

"I don't remember."

"Then you don't know who was in the wrong. Stop wallowing and get up."

My training officer still hadn't withdrawn his outstretched hand. It had thick knuckles and a long scar running diagonally across the palm.

I could tell at a glance that a blade had made that long cut. Had he been wounded on the battlefield, or somewhere else? Either way, his hand was nothing like Colton Wiseman's smooth, elegant one.

Why had I joined hands with Colton Wiseman...?

Just as I was about to sink into thought, Yun's voice came down from above.

"Keep this up and I'm handing you over to Richard."

I sprang to my feet. Now I was eye to eye with my training officer, who raised one eyebrow askew. Looking at his well-defined face, I beamed.

"The game is in my pocket right now, my esteemed senior, sir."

"Is it? Hand it over."

"Would you mind if I gave it to you after I finished it?"

Keeping my smile fixed in place, I groped wildly around me. My hand soon found the cigar box on the bedside table. I snatched it up and gently placed it in Yun's waiting palm.

"These are premium cigars from Spitfire, sir. They should taste good. Why not try one?"

"You used to smoke cigars, too?"

Yun glanced indifferently down at the box.

"Even worse than cigarettes."

"They're not as bad as you'd think if you don't smoke them often."

"What do you plan to do by finishing it?"

He took a cigar from the box as he asked.

I blinked as I accepted the box he handed back. I remembered the game I'd encountered at Shu's apartment yesterday, a day when so much had happened at once.

FROM E.

From E.

I set the cigar box back on the bedside table.

"I thought I might learn something if I played it."

I fidgeted aimlessly with the game cartridge in my pocket.

"Something about... the title makes it feel like a letter someone left behind..."

"Fine, then. Give it to me after you beat it."

He agreed more easily than I'd expected. When I looked at him with widened eyes, he shot me a look that asked what I was so surprised about.

"I don't care about beating the game. I just want to take it apart and see how it's built. Done wallowing?"

"... Yes, well... But, you know, couldn't you think of it as your adorable trainee being overcome by grief for a perfectly valid reason? I wasn't even expecting comfort."

"What's adorable about a bastard as fucking old as you?"

Yun cut off my complaints in an icy voice. Then, without a trace of warmth, he drove the point home.

"You chose all of it yourself, didn't you?"

My training officer's eyes were as sharp as a pale scalpel. Eyes born without warmth. In my far from short life, I'd met a number of people with eyes like those. Colton had been one of them. Kyle, too, had immediately recognized his coldness and despised him for it.

So he could never have imagined that I would join hands with Colton.

People who remained unnaturally calm even on a battlefield, people you didn't want to get close to.

I looked at this man who seemed made of something inorganic and smiled bitterly.

"That's right."

"Then accept it. Drowning in guilt now won't earn you any credit or change anything."

His tone was dry. He slipped the cigar into his pocket.

"What do you want to do? Atone?"

"If I could, I'd atone even if I had to chip away at my soul to do it. But this isn't that kind of sin. How could what I've done ever be forgiven?"

"Then there's even less reason to keep doing this."

The man with the neat features stood at a slant, his hand still in his pocket. It was a sight I saw every morning we went out to exercise. Standing there, my training officer, incapable of empathy, offered his cold assessment.

"If I were you, at this point I'd cut away every remaining trace of the past. You drew your sword because you decided to side with humanity, didn't you? Once you've drawn it, you should cut down everything you meant to cut down."

Good God. I remembered Colton saying something very similar to me.

I couldn't help bursting out laughing.

"You sound exactly like Falcon!"

"That's crossing a line."

Yun's expression didn't change.

"I'm still better than that fucker."

"Oh, of course. At least you don't kill people."

Colton had brutally murdered anyone who displeased him as he clawed his way up...

... Why wasn't he answering?

Silence had settled over the cabin. Perfect silence. The smile slowly faded from my face.

No... Wait a minute.

"You kill people, too?"

"Where's this coming from?"

Yun gave me a languid smile. It spread lazily across his face, chilling me. I stared at the training officer before me, my mouth hanging open.

"Do you think Yehyeon would have let me get away with killing innocent people?"

I wasn't too stupid to read between the lines. I stared at him, aghast. Then my true feelings slipped out.

"I want to see Yehyeon."

"Cut the crap."

"I'm sure I sided with humanity because of people like Yehyeon and Ami. If I'd only met people like you and Falcon, I'd have said we should wipe humanity out."

"Back to being the idiot new recruit, I see. Let's go work out."

Apparently oblivious to the impact of what he'd just said, the madman jerked a thumb at the door behind him. Turning lazily, he even added,

"After we run laps, stop by the house and take some pumpkin. I can't get rid of it. If you don't take the lot and eat the damn stuff, I'm handing you over to Richard."

"If you'd been assigned as my training officer back then, I'd never have become a traitor."

I gave the gloomy reply and stumbled after him.

"Because I'd have led the charge to exterminate humanity."

It was time to be put through the wringer under Yun's supervision again. In the end, the leftover pumpkin was dumped on me.

* * *

Walker and Shu didn't come looking for me right away.

Shu did send me a message. Not knowing how to answer my senior with the colorful hair, I spent a long time agonizing over my phone. This was what she'd sent:

[Shu Diamond: You used to be in politics?]

A party leader. Why a party leader...?

I did vaguely remember meeting all sorts of politicians back then, and I'd often eaten with them, but I had never had any real interest in politics.

I didn't think politics was how I'd become a leader, either. Not that I remembered exactly how I'd come to lead the Titans. Was I unconsciously suppressing the memory, afraid that remembering would leave me writhing in guilt again...?

In any case, after staring down at the screen and deliberating, I sent this reply:

[That's what I'm told, but I don't really remember. :'(]

Thankfully, Shu didn't press me. Instead, she asked me to tell her what I thought after playing the game. Of course, I intended to.

Even if I found something connected to my past, I'd choose my words carefully when telling her about it. An ordinary review wouldn't be difficult. I could just list my thoughts on the story, the music, the playtime, the difficulty, and so on.

Though I was still too afraid to consider starting it. That game frightened me.

Despite what I'd told Yun, I couldn't bring myself to turn it on for weeks.

"You were so overcome with guilt that you threw your guts up, weren't you, sir?"

Two weeks after I'd gotten the game, Yun approached me after training, just as I was about to head off to meet Heshy and Tom.

His face was eerily expressionless as he continued.

"You said playing it might tell you something, didn't you? You said you'd like to atone even if it meant chipping away at your soul, didn't you, old sir? Just how long do you intend to put it off?"

"... Why are you doing this to me?"

Frightened by Yun's bizarrely deferential tone, I leaned away. It was genuinely terrifying.

"Are you drunk?"

"If you still haven't started the game by tomorrow, I'm opening you up."

He abruptly reverted to his usual manner of speech.

After that cold reply, he took something from his pocket. I recognized it immediately. I'd seen it in the slums with Shu and Walker.

Green liquid in a clear syringe.

Green Dream.

"This is what we use when we cut into an enhanced body."

My training officer waved the syringe back and forth in front of my eyes.

"I've already booked an operating table."