Everyone has a hard life in their own way. Even people who seem impossibly high and mighty, rich enough never to worry about money, or blessed with everything.

Everyone has their own troubles, so everyone needs a way to unwind. That means having some pleasure in life. Otherwise, humanity would never have developed entertainment.

In that sense, my pleasures before landing in the Forest of Four Seasons had been ordinary. A round of gaming with a friend after a full day of work. Or getting everyone together for drinks on a day off.

Circumstances had kept me from going to college, but those were pleasures I could enjoy.

"Whew..."

And now, back to the present.

Starting today, it looked like smoking—tobacco—would become my pleasure in life. A long drag sent a refreshing fragrance deep into my lungs. As though bringing an exhausting day to a close, the billowing smoke soothed my mind.

'... This tastes good.'

I hadn't smoked, right up until now. I'd promised my late father that I would never smoke in my life. But this hellish environment had made me break even that promise.

Still, well... it wasn't bad. At least I felt at peace.

'Dad, up in heaven. I'm sorry your unfilial son couldn't keep his promise.'

Please let it slide just this once. I'm having a really hard time here.

Was smoking when I'd never done it before making me sentimental? I let out a small chuckle.

'Life sure is bitter.'

A drink would have made it perfect, but I held off. If I started drinking too, I felt like I'd turn into as much of a drunk as Passing Dwarf.

Besides, I had other things to do, so alcohol needed to take a back seat for as long as possible. Getting attacked while drunk would be a disaster in the first place. Tobacco was the better option.

'First, I should trade with the dwarf.'

I opened the wooden cigar box to use the ashtray. After tapping the cigar over it a few times, I cut off the end with my dagger.

Cigars were generally smoked over several sessions rather than all at once. One of my friends was a tobacco enthusiast, so I knew that much.

'Never thought what he taught me would come in handy.'

Useful was good. With my head much clearer than before, I logged onto the forum... or rather, I didn't. First, I needed to prepare the crabs wriggling in my backpack.

A crab would die if you stuck a dagger in its mouth and forced it open, twisting like you were turning a key. Trading it in that state should be fine.

'Fish are one thing, since their heads are cut off. Will crabs work?'

The forum didn't allow trades involving living things. That was why I'd always sent fish at least partly cleaned.

Crabs, however, took a while to die even after you forced their mouths open. To be safe, I should open their mouths in advance and put them in a container. Put them in water and their innards would come out through their mouths, making cleaning easier.

CRACK!

I gave the struggling crab's mouth a good twist with my dagger. The moment I saw something brown streaming out, I dropped it into the container. I put another crab through the same process and dropped it in too.

'I'll ask the dwarf while they spit up their blood and guts.'

Ask what? As I'd mentioned earlier, how to maintain my sword. He was a blacksmith, and a dwarf at that, so he'd have all kinds of useful tips. I glanced at the crabs in the metal container and logged onto the forum.

Dwarf. Send a trade request in 20 minutes.

Wild Grylls

(Photo of crabs in a metal container)

These guys need a while to die. Give me some sword maintenance tips in the meantime.

└Passing Dwarf OK. There's no real secret, though. Good oil, paper, and a whetstone are all you need lol

└Wild Grylls Could you give me all... or is that asking too much?

└Passing Dwarf I need my whetstone myself, so that's tough, but I'll give you an inferior version. That sword's a fucking masterpiece, though. Should pretty much keep itself in good condition, right?

└Heavenly Demon Naturally. My sword was forged from ten-thousand-year cold iron. It will never rust.

└Wild Grylls Oooh, wow...

└Passing Dwarf That's only half true, so don't put too much faith in it. You actually need to take better care of it because it's ten-thousand-year cold iron.

└Wild Grylls So it does rust?

└Passing Dwarf Rust aside, it's practically impossible to repair once it breaks. Even for me, it'd be a fucking pain. I'd have to work on it for days.

└Wild Grylls Really gotta treat it like a lover, huh...

└Heavenly Demon Though it wounds my pride, asking him would not be a bad idea. The smith who forged that sword has already returned to dust.

Of course I was going to maintain it. I'd have to be taking things for granted not to.

That settled Heavenly Demon's sword, so I asked about the next piece of equipment. Not the golden shield, but the adaman-whatever shield All Hail the Sun had given me.

└Wild Grylls How do I maintain my shield, then?

└Passing Dwarf Don't bother maintaining a shield. Waste of effort. The way shields are built, they're inevitably going to get wrecked.

└Wild Grylls This one's got adaman-whatever in it, though?

└Passing Dwarf Then the moment that shield breaks, you're dead...

└All Hail the Sun That's exactly what I said. Remember that.

└Wild Grylls Will do.

I also asked detailed questions about the crossbow, axe, arrows, and all the other items that were serving me so well.

Well, for most of them, the answer boiled down to keeping them well oiled so they wouldn't break. The crossbow string did need replacing, but he said he'd do that himself.

└Wild Grylls Can't I replace it?

└Passing Dwarf Don't be silly. Leave it to a professional.

└Wild Grylls OK...

Twenty minutes passed as we talked. I checked the crabs in the metal container for movement. They were utterly still. Apparently, all their blood and guts had drained out. All that remained was the trade.

Wild Grylls has registered trade items.

Here you go. The two crabs you wanted.

Clean them and eat them right away.

Passing Dwarf

Gonna have them with a drink right now lol. Hang on.

Passing Dwarf has registered trade items.

Passing Dwarf

Maintenance tools and oil.

It's preeeemium oil, so don't waste it.

OK]

Passing Dwarf

Do the crabs give you a fever when you eat them too?

Nope, they don't.

The trade with the dwarf went quickly. I checked the items I'd received. Last time, they'd come in an ordinary wooden box. This time, they were in a toolbox.

The sharpening stones came separately, though. Different types, too.

'This looks like a millstone standing on its side.'

One was the spinning kind, while the other was a rectangular block. It would be better to keep these outside rather than inside the cave. It would be a bit of a hassle if the sound of sharpening woke Roundfur.

'This is the oil... Why'd he give me so much?'

It wasn't in an ordinary bottle, either. Anyone could tell it was a liquor bottle. Seeing thick oil in a brown liquor bottle was, how should I put it...

'Like Mom putting soy sauce in a Coke bottle back in the day.'

It was a lot like that. Were all dwarves like this, or was this one just weird?

Still, he'd given me plenty, so I had no complaints. Next, I checked the oiling paper. On closer inspection, it was more like plain paper than oiled paper. Apparently, he'd given it to me to soak in oil myself.

'Shall I give it a go?'

Since I had the supplies, I decided to clean Heavenly Demon's sword. I didn't have anything else to do anyway. I slowly began working on it as the dwarf had instructed.

Heavenly Demon's sword was a masterpiece that sliced smoothly through not just flesh and hide, but even bone. Yet even a masterpiece could end up filthy in places when its owner was a novice.

Besides, I'd taken down a guardian that morning and a whole group of guardians at lunchtime.

'I didn't do any maintenance after killing the mad dogs either, did I?'

That must have been why the sword was rather dirty. Would Heavenly Demon have blown her top if she'd seen it?

Setting those pointless thoughts aside, I set about removing the blood and debris on the blade. First, apply oil to the flat, then gently wipe it with paper...

"Ow! That stings!!"

And of course my hand, touching the edge, would get cut along with the paper. How did it slice the paper so cleanly the instant it touched it?

I stared at the drops of blood welling from my finger, then silently fetched the Elixir.

'I'd better be really careful around the edge.'

One mistake could cost me my entire hand. It had even cut me through the World Tree gloves. That let me verify their regenerative ability, but it also drove home just how overpowered Heavenly Demon's sword was.

'I really do have to treat it like a lover.'

A slightly—no, extremely—high-maintenance lover. Even the K2 I'd used in the military wouldn't be this demanding.

I put my heart and soul into cleaning Heavenly Demon's sword. Its razor edge made it a struggle, but somehow I managed it. I had to sacrifice a whole wad of paper in the process, but there was no helping that.

'It'll get better as I get used to it.'

I propped Heavenly Demon's sword against the cave wall. The dwarf had said somewhere airy, dry, and well ventilated was best.

'I should oil the rest of my tools too.'

Shield, dagger, shovel, axe... I oiled everything that could be oiled. You might ask why I didn't just buy replacements, but the point was to prevent them from breaking at a crucial moment.

'Now that that's done...'

I turned my head to look at the speed-sloth. It wore its trademark utterly carefree expression.

A tilt of the head.

Under my steady gaze, it cocked its head. Even that movement was frustratingly slow. But something else had caught my eye.

"Speedy."

"..."

"Want your claws taken care of?"

The speed-sloth's fearsome claws needed maintenance. I wasn't joking. Those claws had saved my life several times.

"Come here. It's good for you too."

"..."

After giving me a brief suspicious look, the speed-sloth slowly approached. I readied the oil and paper while Speedy made its way over.

'Wait. Should I groom the claws before oiling them?'

I'd never kept an animal before, so I didn't know. For that matter, probably nobody had ever groomed a sloth's claws.

As I mulled it over, the sharpening stones caught my eye. The speed-sloth's claws were hard enough to cut through a metal drum. Wouldn't a whetstone do?

'... No, probably not.'

The sizes were too different. Besides, the speed-sloth's claws were much too close together.

After plenty of deliberation, I decided to ask the forum. With all sorts of people there, surely someone knew how to groom animal claws.

Anyone know how to groom animal claws?

Wild Grylls

(Photo of the speed-sloth's fearsomely long claws)

I want to take care of Speedy's claws. Anyone know what tools I should use?

└Heavenly Demon What fearsome claws. Maintaining them would be a good idea.

└Wild Grylls This one's my strongest fighter right now, so maintenance is a must.

└Sword Masta Is the speed-sloth that strong?

└Wild Grylls It's fast. I can barely follow it with my eyes...

└Now I've seen everything. A guy grooming a sloth's claws lmao

└Do sloth claws normally look that scary?

└They have to climb trees. Makes sense, doesn't it?

└Passing Dwarf Don't ask me. I maintain tools. Don't know anything about animals.

└Wild Grylls Shame.

└All Hail the Sun Are you trying to clip them or sharpen them?

└Wild Grylls Sharpen them. I'm planning to make them even sharper than that.

└All Hail the Sun I can help with that. I take care of my pet lion's claws myself.

└Wild Grylls You keep a lion? Seriously?

└All Hail the Sun So what? It's all the rage in Setan. Personally, I find you keeping a sloth stranger.

└Fair point.

└Lions are cats too lol

└Do lions like boxes too?

└Tigers seem to.

This time, All Hail the Sun gave me some tips. The method differed depending on the claws' characteristics. Animals like lions and tigers had blood vessels connected to their claws, so you had to be careful. Sloths, on the other hand, didn't have that issue, so there was no need to worry.

└All Hail the Sun If the claws are close together, just use sandpaper. That'll be easier.

└Wild Grylls Don't I need tools?

└All Hail the Sun Those probably won't work. Use sandpaper.

In the end, I used sandpaper on the speed-sloth's claws. It quietly offered me its hand, as though it understood I was grooming them.

'Feels a little weird calling it a hand when I'm talking about claws.'

Still, those claws had saved my life several times, so I worked diligently. A final wipe with oiled paper, and I was done.

The speed-sloth silently studied its claws, now shinier and sharper than before. Its expression never changed, so I couldn't tell whether it liked them or the opposite.

"Do you like them?"

"..."

It nodded. Then nodded again.

Even its nods were painfully slow.