"No, you shouldn't tilt it all at once like that. The water spills."

"Tsk, did it spill?"

"It spilled, it totally spilled."

"Man, this is a bit hard..."

"That's because you can't control your strength. How can a guy who controls his lines so delicately not know how to pour water?"

"Are those two things the same...?"

Even as I groaned, I racked my brain so as not to miss my friend's explanation.

In the grand scheme of things, there was nothing complicated about it, but the fact that it was an action I hadn't usually experienced made everything feel unfamiliar.

"You don't have to put so much strength into your posture. No one's gonna say anything if you get that one thing wrong."

"Hey, it's still not right to just half-ass it when I'm supposed to be learning."

But there are few things as enjoyable as learning an unfamiliar action. That was especially true since this was a meeting arranged for research, and my friend had willingly stepped up to help.

I repeated the motion of pouring water from the kettle into the lipped bowl a few more times. Pouring it itself was easy, but making it flow smoothly with consistent pressure was a bit difficult.

Then, my friend adjusted my hands while twitching his lips slightly. It was a habit of his that only came out when he was satisfied.

As expected, I was glad I hadn't half-assed it.

He wasn't a petty guy, so he probably wouldn't have gotten too angry even if I had... but since we were so close, there were times when manners needed to be observed even more carefully.

"You're doing a bit better now."

"Ah, I got the hang of it now?"

"Yeah, you got it. At this level, you can say you learned it from me."

Had I been practicing for a long time like that?

"Alright, I'm in a good mood. If you can do it this well the next time we meet, I'll show you something I treasure."

"Something you treasure?"

"It's really expensive and good. Because it's a 40-year-old tea."

"... Wouldn't the scent fade away then?"

"That's just how well it was stored. If the storage condition is bad, age means nothing."

"Oh... Would it be okay for me to drink something like that?"

"When did I say I'd let you drink it? I said I'd show it to you, didn't I?"

"This punk?"

At the end of our light banter, my friend, whose face above the nose was hazy and hard to see, curled his lips up slightly.

DRIP. Thick raindrops fell heavily upon the face of someone I had never seen cry before.

"If you really want to drink it, I suppose there's no reason I couldn't give you a taste."

Realization washed over me in an instant, like a ringing bell.

"So... please come back, you bastard. I'll beg you like this, so please come back alive..."

This was a dream.

* * *

"Gasp!"

The moment I woke up, the smell of a white, enclosed space brushed past my nose. WHEEZE. Breathing felt uncomfortable, yet comfortable, yet uncomfortable. 'Come back.' Someone's voice still rang clearly in my ears.

"Boss?"

But even that soon faded from my memory.

Avoiding all the blankly perceived sensations, I covered my eyes with my left hand.

I must have sweated too much cold sweat. The sensation touching my palm was quite damp.

"Boss, are you awake?"

"Did you catch them."

It was a bit hazy and I was even more unsure because of the dream I just had... but I still remembered that someone had interfered at the very last second.

The same went for the surroundings turning red and the intruder holding something pitch black—which, if I remembered correctly, looked like Biryuho's corpse.

So asking about that first was the right thing to do. Judging from the soft feeling of where I was lying, my safety seemed guaranteed for now.

"..."

But why isn't there an answer? Was it just my imagination? Is that why you can't choose what to say?

"... We lost them."

Fortunately, it seemed it wasn't just a misunderstanding on my part.

Although DeB's voice sounded like he was gritting his teeth as he answered, that was probably because of the fact that they got away.

GRIND.

And now I had to worry about my concept.

"Don't push yourself to get up! You just woke up after eleven days, where do you think you're going...!"

"Let go...!"

Ugh. It was only natural that they lost them in this kind of development, but it was still a shame!

On top of that, if it was true that Biryuho's corpse was stolen, that meant I had my killing blow stolen twice already. Once is one thing, but don't they know twice is dragging it out? That damn author really doesn't know shit about scenarios!

"I'm telling you to lie down if you don't want to smash another seal!"

"..."

Wait, what did he just say?

"... Please, at least realize the state of your body before you move."

You've fully mastered how to handle my concept too, huh.

Right. If you put it like that, even my concept has no choice but to restrain itself. Of course, of course.

With those thoughts in mind, I let the strength drain from my body. THUD. The soft sensation returned to my back. I wondered if the straw laid under my bed was new.

"..."

I was already having a hard time moving anyway, so it actually worked out for the best.

Feeling thankful once more for DeB's remark, I placed my forearm over my eyes again. I couldn't help it because the light seeping in through the window was hitting my eyeballs directly.

"... Um, Boss. About what I just said."

Ah, but doing this makes me want to sleep even more. Even if I set aside the story about Biryuho's corpse or the guy who invaded, I needed to figure out what happened afterward.

"Well."

KNOCK, KNOCK!

But it's a bit of a hassle. Just as that feeling was about to dominate my body, the sound of knocking woke up my mind.

With my forearm still resting over my eyes, I parted my lips.

"State your business."

Judging by the tactile sensation from the forearm resting on my eyes and my upper body, there was a high chance I was currently only in bandages and a shirt. So rather than letting someone in, a simple question would be better.

It was a judgment reached through this thought process.

"Um, I brought a wet towel to wipe your body..."

The person outside replied. A wet towel to wipe my body, huh. I suppose you can't just leave a sleeping person unwashed, nor can you dunk them into water, so that really was the only way.

"Ah, I will go get it."

The Deathbringer stood up in a hurry and received the wet towel. In the meantime, I raised my body.

"Boss, there's no need for you to get up..."

"Leave."

I might not be in perfect condition, but I wasn't at a level where I couldn't move either. And my concept was absolutely not the type of person to show his body to others while awake.

"But, your body is still..."

"I won't say it twice."

"..."

I only picked them up after DeB placed the basin and towel on the nightstand and left.

Pressing the towel soaked in hot water against my face, a soft warmth gradually steeped into my skin.

"... Ah."

If I could move, wouldn't it be better to just go to the bathhouse? That thought briefly crossed my mind, but I soon gave up on it. It was a hassle to call someone to prepare it, and it was a hassle to walk all the way there myself.

For the first time in a while, my laziness overcame my desire to maintain cleanliness.

["If you can do it this well the next time we meet, I'll show you something I treasure."]

"... I want to drink some tea."

However, I did kind of want to drink some tea.

["So... please come back, you bastard. I'll beg you like this, so please come back alive..."]

I wanted to drink it a little, no, a lot.

Not just anything, but that 40-year-old tea you mentioned. Or even just plain hot water you'd hand me saying you weren't satisfied with my practice results.

If only I could drink it in the place where I truly belonged, I would be so happy.

CLATTER.

I put the wet towel down.

Something surged up from the back of my throat, but I roughly swallowed it down. I already knew the name of that emotion, so there was no need to look at it.

Instead, I reasoned it out to replace it. Laziness be damned, I needed to wash properly. I shouldn't drink tea with a dirty body, so I had to cleanse myself.

CREAK.

I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. Considering how long I had been staying at the Temple in Ednium, I didn't even need to be guided to the bathhouse. I had memorized the whole route.

"Feels awful..."

Though I couldn't do anything about the unpleasant sensation that hit me as soon as I left the room.

Seeing how the feeling changed completely past the boundary of the door, it seemed they had taken special measures for the room. I had no idea how they knew to do it, or what principle they used.

"Oh, Knight. When did you wake up..."

Regardless, I arrived at the bathhouse. I told the Priest I encountered in the hallway to just bring up some hot water and stood at the bathhouse entrance.

The Priests were a bit flustered, but hot water was soon brought over in their hands.

"Then please call for us when the water cools. We will leave fresh hot water for you."

"Not necessary."

I wasn't energetic enough to soak my body for a long time. As long as I could just wash away these emotions, that would be enough.

So, as always, I chased out everyone who was attending the bath and fully submerged my body in the wooden tub.

My hair floating in the water was somewhat shorter, as if a Priest had trimmed it while I was unconscious.

The same went for the back of my hair, which had been jagged like a rat had gnawed on it from when I trimmed it myself. The hair I casually touched felt smooth.

At this point, shouldn't I pass out regularly just to maintain my hairstyle? I muttered a joke that would make anyone else scream if they heard it.

'How long can I avert my eyes?'

And when my entire head was completely soaked in water, the smile I had barely managed to force with a joke abruptly stopped.

My right eye, with the eyepatch temporarily taken off to wash, was fully exposed above the surface of the water.

'How long can I keep deceiving myself?'

The color of a dried-up rose and a neutral color lacking any added hue reflected another's face.

'Just how long...'

SPLASH.

Sorrow is usually water-soluble. Most distracting thoughts are water-soluble too.

So I submerged my head under the water. And right around when I was running out of breath, I raised my head with a splash.

"Come to think of it, it's been a while since I left a letter, hasn't it?"

The water cooled along with my tears.

"Hah, if Mom, Dad, and even my friends are watching this, how furious must they be?"

Come to think of it, there's a saying in the world.

"Crazy bastard, not even leaving letters regularly... You're not even sure you'll resurrect if you die, yet lately you treat your life like gum stuck to a shoe. You think you're doing so well, don't you?"

The saying goes: 'A strong denial is a strong affirmation.'

"I must look like a total idiot. Like the biggest moron, fool, and retard the world has ever seen..."

It's a phrase often used when forcing an argument, so I don't really like it, but regardless of my distaste, there are moments when I have to admit that the saying is true.

"... But what can I do?"

For example, right now.

"I can't think of any way to go back, and the only possible way seems to require me to put my life on the line just to move forward."

Even so, there was no reason to stop.

"Without even the belief that I'll restart if I die, it's just a path too terrifying to even attempt..."

Right, there was no reason for me to quit.

"If I don't treat it lightly like this, how else am I supposed to endure it...?"

This was the absolute best approach I could take in my current situation.

"My chest always hurts right before a fight. Because I'm afraid I might actually die, my heart pounds so hard just from that one fear."

The fact that there was only one chance was in itself fear and terror. It didn't matter how fearless a warrior my concept was.

In the end, I was the one in control, and I was nothing more than a cowardly modern person.

"So Mom, Dad, and you damn friends. If you're watching this, please don't think of me as an idiot."

That was why I deceived myself.

If I believed that I would come back to life even if I died, if I thought there was an option to retry.

Then I would be able to approach this lightly, without a single shred of fear.

"Please don't laugh at my best efforts."

Yet occasionally, there was a terror that struck me.

Death, loss, oblivion, solitude.

"I'm barely enduring this with the single belief that if I overcome all of this and rise up, I'll be able to go see you."

Anxiety.

The anxiety that all these efforts and struggles would not be rewarded.

"I'm holding on like this with the sole belief that I'll be able to hang out with you guys again."

Ah, how wonderful would it be if this world were a game? I'd even be fine with it being a roguelike with no restarts, but how happy would I be if I could just have the certainty that it was a game?

If this world were a game, if it were just a game that flowed according to a scenario.

Then there would be no need to doubt that a happy ending was guaranteed at the end of all this adversity and hardship. I would be able to overcome all these exhausting and difficult things with a smile.

"Please."

Therefore, this had to be a game. It was something even I wouldn't believe, but still, this had to be a game.

Otherwise.

Otherwise...

"Please, tell me I'm doing well."

I wouldn't be able to know for what purpose I was forced to endure these terrible trials.

"Tell me that I'll be able to go back again..."

Even the hope I was barely standing upon would disappear.

"Please, you system motherfucker..."

Even though the forced weight of lives was piled up like a mountain on my back.

* * *

However, at the same time as I denied this world, I also wanted to know the truth.

So that even if I despaired, no lingering regrets would remain.

* * *

SPLASH.

After brushing aside the unresponsive system as usual, I poured a bucket of soapy water over my hair, which looked as though it were drenched in blood.

Then, after scrubbing my head clean, I wiped my seemingly crimson-dyed body as if scraping it off. Perhaps to the point where flesh and bone would separate.

Even so, my humanity, which was already broken and shattered, would not return.

I never turned a blind eye to that. Right, even if I could run away from reality, I shouldn't deny this one thing.

Because if I threw away even my guilt just because I lost a part of my humanity, then I truly wouldn't be human anymore.

"You are..."

I hated that thought, so I walked aimlessly while carrying a heart full of guilt. It was because I wanted to drink some tea after washing up.

Of course, if I went to the dining hall, there was a high chance the Archmage would serve me tea... but right now, I didn't want to sit at the same table as them.

"You're awake! We came to see you anyway... It's a relief you've recovered."

It wasn't that I disliked them, of course. It was just that the person I wanted to drink tea with was someone else. And since that person didn't exist in this world, I wouldn't be drinking any tea today.

"What is it."

Anyway, enough with the distracting thoughts.

I focused on the Young Lord of Ednium, whom I happened to run into—he seemed to have just entered the Temple. Seeing the Young Lord of Camberer beside him, it seemed he had been busy focusing on romance until before she returned.

"Um, this is a late greeting, but... thank you very much. Thanks to you, my life was saved."

"I am also deeply grateful that you avenged us on our behalf."

In any case, the two young lords bowed gracefully.

"..."

However, their gratitude didn't really resonate with me.

It was because I was too exhausted to feel any sense of reward from the people I had saved. To be more precise, I guess you could say I had no energy left to feel happy.

"Ah."

"... Oh dear."

Therefore, I walked right past them without even giving a reaction. Given what I had done for them, they would let it slide even if they found it unpleasant.

STEP.

They would let it slide, but now that I thought about it, I did have some business with them.

My body turned half a step back.

"I have a question."

"...! Ask anything! If it is something I can answer, I will do my best to respond."

"The same goes for me."

It was a question that didn't require that level of resolve.

"Who was the one who acted like they knew me last time?"

"...?"

However, while it might not demand resolve, the Demon Knight's language required interpretation skills. The Young Lord of Ednium's face grew vague, and the Young Lord of Camberer narrowed her brow slightly in thought.

"If... the 'last time' you mentioned refers to the Lords' meeting, that person is the Lord of Bergart."

Fortunately, the Young Lord of Camberer's quick wits won out.

"Understood."

Bergart, Bergart.

The pronunciation is similar to Berserker, so I won't forget it.

With that thought, I decided to find someone who would have a map.

Of course, I needed to know where the city of Bergart was located in order to go there.

And if I go there, the truth about this body that I don't know will probably be revealed. Perhaps even the truth behind the system might be connected to it.

Since the past of a possessed body being connected to the whole truth of the overarching incident is a common cliché.

"Um, Knight."

Had I squeezed my eyes shut in the contradiction between my desire to believe this place was a game and my inability to avert my eyes from the truth any longer?

The Young Lord of Ednium, who had been playing 'speak with your eyes' with the Young Lord of Camberer, caught hold of me.

"If you wish to meet the Lord of Bergart, I can connect you. There is a Magic Tower in Bergart, you see. And as it happens, there are many Mages in this city right now."

That was... a slightly distant yet quite welcome piece of news.

"The price."

"I have some shame, how could I ask for such a thing? I will send a telegram to Bergart as soon as I return to the castle. Since it's a message from none other than you, Knight, it shouldn't take lo—!"

PINCH.

"...ng, but since the Lord might be busy with other matters, it may take some time. I ask for your understanding regarding this."

"M-Mia..."

For some reason, the suddenly excited Young Lord of Ednium had blurted out whatever came to mind, and the Young Lord of Camberer had corrected him, but anyway.

"It doesn't matter."

"Thank you. Then, once a reply arrives, shall we send someone to the Temple?"

I glanced at the Young Lord of Ednium, who was rolling on the floor after being pinched by the Young Lord of Camberer, and looked at the Young Lord of Camberer again. It was because I wondered where the suggestion to send someone to the Temple had popped out from.

"Or would you like to go straight to the castle?"

Ah, so it was a question of whether I would wait at the Temple or wait at the castle.

"I will go."

"Understood. Then I will guide you to the castle."

I gave my answer without hesitation in accordance with my concept. Even though internally, the desire to not go and the feeling that I had to go were crossing paths.