'New humans!'

The slime was delighted to meet new humans in person, rather than simply watching them pass by in carriages. It understood, in principle, that not all humans were alike. Still, it couldn't hide its delight at seeing humans up close for the first time in a while.

Meanwhile, the thieves' puzzled looks at the slime brought the chat to life.

▶What are these hoomans now?

▶They look filthy.

▶Lmaoooo

▶I know these guys. They're called thieves.

▶Quick explanation! What's a thief? A human who forms a group to steal food from other humans, or this stuff called money that they use to buy food!

▶Haven't seen the explainaholic in a while.

Some viewers were showing off the tiny amount they had learned about human culture from a month of mansion streams. Others were teasing their fellow viewers as usual.

[Slam First Ask Later]▶Oh! So these are humans we can slam!

▶Dude?

▶Mated wolf bastard declares himself a human-fucker.

[Slam First Ask Later]▶That's not what I meant!

▶Has all that nagging warped your tastes too?

▶Ah! Hooman s*x!

[Slam First Ask Later]▶I said no!

There were four thieves in all: a sturdy man with a sparse beard whom the others called Boss, a small man wearing a headscarf, a large man with a potbelly, and a tall, skinny man.

The man called Boss stroked his bearded chin with his thumb as he studied the slime.

'You don't often see a slime this tame. We might get a good price for it.'

Instead of running away from the group of humans, the slime stood there as though staring at them. There were oddballs in the world who enjoyed admiring monsters, and those peculiar people were very generous with their money.

“Let's take it with us for now. Def, pick it up.”

“Won't it bite, Boss?”

Def, the big man with the potbelly, crouched and eyed the slime cautiously. The small man snickered.

“You idiot! Slimes don't have teeth! It won't bite!”

“Oh, right.”

Def lifted the slime with both hands.

It had been a while since the slime had felt human hands. They were larger than Jessi's and felt softer, perhaps because of all the flesh on them.

The slime quivered, enjoying the human warmth it hadn't felt in so long.

“Aaah!”

Startled by the vibration in his hands, Def dropped the slime. It bounced and landed with perfect precision on the small man's head.

“Aaagh! What the hell!”

The sudden soft sensation on his head made the small man shout in surprise.

“Pfft! A slime on Sgol's head. Pfft. Hehehe!”

The skinny man covered his mouth, letting laughter slip out.

“Def! Hold it properly! And Hawein! Did you just laugh!”

The bearded man called Boss looked at the three of them and sighed.

“Quit fooling around. Pick up that slime and let's go.”

“We're heading back, Boss?”

“If nobody's come by this late, today's a bust.”

“Def! I told you to pick it up again!”

“All right...”

Def picked the slime back up, and the thieves returned to their hideout.

+++

While the thieves walked back to their hideout, the slime was playing a new game.

'Def! Fat! Timid!'

It was observing humans and identifying their traits.

'Sgol! Small! Gets cranky!'

Between the books read to it every day, life in the mansion, and the various people it had seen while touring the territory, the slime had somehow developed a fondness for matching names to traits.

'Hawein! Skinny! Gloomy!'

Even reviewing the things it had newly learned was fun for the slime.

'Boss! Don't know his name! Gives lots of orders!'

“B-Boss. This slime keeps shaking.”

“So what? Is it absorbing your hands or something?”

“No.”

“Then keep holding it.”

“Yes...”

The thieves' hideout was a tent in the forest.

'A nest!'

It was far shabbier and less impressive than either the elf village or the mansion, but the slime understood that this tent was the thieves' nest.

▶This crap is... a hooman nest?

▶Lmao as long as you can eat and sleep there lmaooo

▶Is that gap between these guys and the knife-ears and hoomans we've seen so far for real? My heart swells with awe.

▶More like shrivels, doesn't it? Lmaooo

Once they reached the hideout, the thieves put down their swords and took their seats.

“Tch. I thought something would pass by today.”

“We all have days like this...”

“Pfft, what do you mean, days like this? We haven't seen anything for two days.”

“What's so funny about coming back empty-handed, Hawein?”

“N-Nothing. Sorry, Boss.”

The thieves tried to make their living by blocking passing merchants, threatening them, and collecting tolls. They would wait near the road and block any carriage they thought they could attack. If its guards looked strong, they would immediately flee.

Whenever they succeeded in their looting disguised as toll collection, they would sneak into a village with the money and trade on the black market. That was how they operated.

The man called Boss clicked his tongue as he examined his damaged sword edge.

“We need some prey to turn up soon so I can get this repaired.”

“Boss, can't we just g-go back to being adventurers?”

Def ventured the suggestion cautiously, but Sgol sprang up and slapped his forearm.

SMACK!

“Ow!”

“Idiot! How many times do I have to tell you? We're wanted! How are we supposed to be adventurers? Have you already forgotten we're in this mess because Boss punched a noble in the face?”

“Pfft, r-remembering that noble's face makes me laugh.”

“Both of you, shut up.”

The man sighed again at his foolish subordinate's tactless mention of his past mistake.

“Sgol.”

“Yes, Boss!”

“What food do we have left?”

“Just a few pieces of fruit! We need to go hunting!”

“I see.”

The man stood. If he did nothing, his idiotic subordinates would surely keep saying things that grated on his nerves. He decided it would be better for his peace of mind to get their dinner in advance.

“Hawein, get your bow and come with me.”

“Hehe. Yes, Boss.”

The man and Hawein left to procure food, leaving Sgol, Def, and the slime at the hideout.

“I hope Boss and Hawein catch a deer...”

As Def voiced his hopes, he gently kneaded the slime.

“Def! What are you doing?”

“Huh? W-Waiting for Boss and Hawein.”

“Not that, idiot! Why are you still holding the slime?”

With nothing to do and bored of waiting, Sgol began his usual nitpicking.

“This slime... Now that I've been holding it, it feels nice to touch... It's s-squishy, you know?”

'Squishy!'

Nina and Jessi had often called it squishy at the mansion, so the slime understood that being squishy was a compliment.

“Oh, it's shaking. Does it like hearing that it's squishy?”

“How would I know!”

“Want to touch it too, Sgol? It's really squishy.”

“Squishy, my ass!”

Sgol snatched the slime from Def's hands.

“What's so squishy about this stupid slime, huh?”

Instead of kneading it, Sgol spitefully pressed it from both sides with his hands, over and over. The slime sprang back into shape each time.

“What's squishy about this lousy... Wait, why is this thing so springy?”

No matter how Sgol squeezed it from the sides, the slime's natural elasticity immediately restored its original shape.

“D-Don't do that, Sgol! Wh-What if the slime gets angry and attacks?”

“Hah! Who cares if some lousy slime attacks?”

Even as he spoke, Sgol kept pressing the slime. Of course, the small man's squeezing couldn't inflict even the tiniest injury on it.

Sgol flung the slime onto the ground.

“Hey, slime! Go on, attack! Do it!”

“S-Sgol, what's gotten into you!”

Sgol thought there was no chance the slime would attack when it couldn't even understand him. Even if it did, he could easily dodge a mere slime's Body Slam.

Meanwhile, the slime tilted its body, puzzled by Sgol's words.

'Attack?'

▶Guess this hooman doesn't want to live.

▶What's this new suicide method?

▷Can I attack?

▶Lmaooo even Squishy is confused lmaooo

▶Go go go

▶Up to you?

'No, that won't do.'

Smartass, who had been appointed moderator of Squishy's stream, was watching the situation unfold. Under his username Free Spirit, he hurriedly typed into the chat.

[Free Spirit]▶No no, don't attack for real.

[Free Spirit]▶Just hurt him a little. That should do it.

[Free Spirit]▶Killing him would make things a huge pain.

Even Smartass wouldn't tell the slime to simply sit there and take being looked down on. But recklessly killing a human and becoming a target for extermination after only a single evolution would be extremely dangerous.

▷Hurt him a little?

[Free Spirit]▶Much weaker than when you hit a rabbit.

Still, he thought Sgol deserved a little pain for being needlessly spiteful to the slime.

▷Okay!

▶We're not killing him for that?

▶Wouldn't it be better to just wipe that hooman out?

▶Lmao Squishy's still pretty weak lmaooo

[Free Spirit]▶Can't hurt to be careful, yep.

Seeing the slime remain still while it questioned the chat, Sgol snickered, convinced he had been right.

“Ha! Look, idiot! You think a slime would get angry? A lousy slime couldn't possibly be smart enough to get mad...”

The slime bounced.

THUD!

“Urk!”

“S-Sgol!”

With a very gentle bounce, the slime tackled Sgol in the side.

“O-Oh! M-My side! Aaaagh...!”

The blow couldn't have killed even a rabbit in one hit, but its weight and precise placement made Sgol clutch his side and tremble.

“S-See? The slime got angry.”

“This damned slime!”

It hurt, but the impact hadn't been severe. Sgol stood back up and reached toward the slime.

But the slime bounced away, hopping this way and that to dodge Sgol's hands.

“Get over here! Where do you think you're going!”

It bounced again and again. Sgol kept reaching out, desperate to catch it, but the slime deftly evaded every attempt.

▶Lmaoooo

▶Hooman bastard lol. Can't catch Squishy, huh? Pissed off, huh? Frustrated, huh?

▶As if some lowly hooman could catch Squishy lmaooo

[Noblesse Fire]▶Bwahahaha! You think that pathetic effort is enough to catch Squishy?

▶Watching him get humiliated is fucking hilarious lol

Still bouncing out of reach, the slime hopped onto the seated Def's shoulder, then jumped once more. This time, it landed on his head.

“Oh.”

“Hey! Def! Stay right there!”

Sgol reached toward the slime on Def's head again. But each time his hand approached, the slime jumped at precisely the right moment to avoid it.

“Um... Sgol.”

“Shut up! Can't you see I'm concentrating?”

“Couldn't you just keep your hand on my head?”

“...! I know that without you telling me, idiot!”

Sgol reached out again. When the slime dodged, he left his hand in place this time and waited for it to land.

'Hehehe! Just wait till I catch you!'

But the slime was never going to get caught in Sgol's hand. The instant it touched his palm, it sprang away before he could close his fingers and landed on the ground.

'This is fun!'

The slime bounced happily, enjoying the chase. To Sgol, however, it looked as though the slime was deliberately taunting him.

“... Aaaaaagh!”

Sgol screamed and lunged at the slime on the ground, reaching for it again.

His pointless pursuit resumed—a game that only the slime was enjoying.