* * *

* * *

"... Doctor!"

The door opened. Jeongmin hastily tucked the tablet he had been looking at behind his back, as though hiding it.

"W-what..."

The moment he turned his head, his expression changed completely. Hyeonyul was on Sinu's back.

"Over here."

He led them to the bed.

"Stay calm, Doctor."

Sinu tried to calm Jeongmin down. How startled must he have been?

"I am calm. Tell me what happened."

Perhaps Hyeonyul had collapsed before; Jeongmin was calmer than Sinu had expected. His hands, however, moved busily.

"A villain we fought during the mission... said he knew Hyeonyul. Hyeonyul started acting strangely after that."

"What... did he say?"

Jeongmin's hands stopped, and he looked at Sinu.

"He said he knew Hyeonyul."

"Did... part of Hyeonyul's body break down?"

"Yes!"

"... Ah."

Jeongmin exhaled. He reached out and stroked Hyeonyul's forehead.

"... What's wrong?"

"It's shock."

"Shock?"

"You know how they say the body remembers even when the mind doesn't? His body remembered that time."

"Is, um, is it an aftereffect of the drugs burning out the circuitry in his head?"

Sinu stumbled over the question. He didn't understand it well, but that was what he'd heard.

"That's right. The shock is too much for what remains to process. ... Well, simply put, think of it as the plug suddenly being pulled out."

Even before this, the slightest emotion could shake Hyeonyul deeply. Unable to process the countless stimuli coming his way, he had grown numb. In effect, he had chosen to erase those various stimuli and emotions altogether.

But there was one area he couldn't turn away from: everything connected to his time as a test subject. Unable to cope with what came flooding in, he protected himself by simply pulling down the shutters.

Hyeonyul knew this too, which was why he took such care not to let himself be shaken.

'... He really isn't all right.'

Confronted head-on with what had kept troubling him, Jeongmin sighed. Hyeonyul had insisted over and over that he was fine, but he wasn't.

"I expected him to be in bad shape, of course, but to me, he looked much worse than that."

"What did he look like?"

"Something was different. He seemed to be muttering, too."

"Did he... take his medicine?"

"I don't know what it was, but he took it about twice."

Jeongmin was relieved to hear that he had taken his medicine. What kind of medicine was it to elicit that reaction?

"If you don't mind, may I ask what medicine it is?"

Sinu spoke despite the risk of being rude. He needed to know something if he was going to take better care of Hyeonyul.

"Hyeonyul takes several medications. What you saw was probably something that helps the damaged circuitry function more smoothly."

"... Um, is it psychiatric medication?"

Sinu couldn't quite make sense of it.

"You could see it that way, but think of it as putting up pillars to keep the roof from collapsing. That part of him is weak. So..."

As Jeongmin continued explaining, his gaze briefly wavered.

'... Hyeonyul won't like this.'

Whatever anyone said, Hyeonyul truly hated becoming useless.

"So I hope you won't think there's anything strange about him. This was just a brief episode today. It happened so suddenly, that's all. Rather than there being something wrong with Hyeonyul... well, anyone would react that way, wouldn't they? People panic when something catches them off guard, right? That's all you need to think of it as."

Watching Jeongmin go on as though making excuses left Sinu uneasy. How much must they have been put through? He could see it.

"Doctor, it's all right. You can explain freely."

"..."

Jeongmin was briefly at a loss for words. Then he pressed his lips together before slowly speaking.

"He seems... strange, doesn't he?"

"He doesn't. I mean it."

"I don't want my explanation to become the standard by which you judge Hyeonyul. I just hope you'll understand that. I can't... explain all of this. It's very complicated."

"... Is it because he feels like he's being erased from the world?"

At Sinu's words, Jeongmin looked at him in surprise. It was as though he'd heard something unfamiliar.

"Hyeonyul is an outstanding recruit. He's our teammate. I trust our Team Leader. And I trust Hyeonyul too."

Really?

As Jeongmin regarded him cautiously, Sinu smiled.

"I understand what happened today, too. It's only natural to be overwhelmed after waiting so long. I'm still waiting to bring my younger sibling... somewhere peaceful as soon as I can."

Sinu fidgeted with his hands. He might not know much, but he knew this much: Hyeonyul and Jeongmin seemed to have been abandoned by the world a very, very long time ago.

"I don't think there's anything strange about what happened today. I'm simply worried about Hyeonyul."

Sinu reassured Jeongmin, but that peculiar wariness did not subside.

"Hyeonyul is going to be all right, isn't he?"

"He is. As I said, the sudden revelation was too much to handle, so his system simply shut down automatically."

"Then I'll stop worrying and get going."

Still smiling, Sinu stepped back.

"Sinu."

"Yes, Doctor?"

"... I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable."

"Oh, Doctor, there's no need for that. It's really all right. I'm not that small-minded. I've got a big heart, you know?"

Sinu proudly thumped his chest, but Jeongmin still looked deeply apologetic. Sinu could tell he was a genuinely good person.

"If you feel that bad, let's have a meal together sometime. How about it?"

"Sounds good."

"With Hyeonyul too."

"... Yes, if we can, we should."

Only after Jeongmin's weary reply did Sinu break into a broad smile.

"I'll speak to the Team Leader, so don't worry."

Sinu bowed his head.

"Thank you."

"Not at all. Please let me know when he wakes up. I'll come running."

Sinu grinned, and Jeongmin waved goodbye.

'He really is so personable. I wish Hyeonyul could be like that too.'

Holding on to that small wish, Jeongmin first set up the IV. He gazed steadily at Hyeonyul, then patted his arm.

'You've been through a lot.'

Merely imagining how Hyeonyul must feel made his heart ache. Wasn't the very fact that Hyeonyul couldn't accept those emotions deeply sad?

A person should feel sad when something was sad, happy when something was joyful, and angry when something made them angry. All of that was terribly difficult for Hyeonyul.

* * *

"... What about Hyeonyul?"

Haeryeon asked urgently the moment Sinu arrived. She looked so flustered that she had even dropped the usual courtesy from her speech.

"Doctor Jeongmin says he's all right. The shock was so great that his system shut down automatically."

Even as Sinu answered, his expression was far from cheerful. How great must the shock have been to make him pass out?

"Are you sure Bro Hyeonyul's arm is okay?"

At Jihwan's still-shaken question, Sinu finally smiled.

"I told you, that wasn't Hyeonyul's arm."

About to sit down, Sinu paused.

"... Were you crying?"

The skin around Nayun's eyes was red.

"I wasn't."

"... Okay."

"Ugh, I was upset. Upset! I saw it happening, but I couldn't stop it! I should've just run over! Why did I stay... at my post over something like that?"

Nayun couldn't finish. Tears began welling up again. Nayun had thought they were about to lose another teammate.

"I... was late. I'm sorry."

"... No. I was the one who was late."

Following Sinu's apology, Jihwan lowered his head slightly and pressed his thumb hard with his other fingers.

"If I hadn't spaced out, Bro Sinu wouldn't have been late."

"Enough, Jihwan. I was late."

"No! It was me! I could've just fired, but I hesitated. Even then, I was thinking about the mission. I was crazy. I was... crazy."

Nayun bit down hard on a lip.

"Nayun, stop. You'll hurt your lip."

Haeryeon stopped Nayun, then looked at the others.

"Sinu, Jihwan, you two stop as well. What happened today was something none of us anticipated. Not Hyeonyul, and not us."

That was the right way to view it. Blaming themselves wouldn't change anything. If anything, wasn't it fortunate that they had learned about it this way? Imagining it happening when the situation had escalated further was already enough to make her dizzy.

"Team Leader."

"Yes?"

Haeryeon looked at Sinu when he called to her.

"About Hyeonyul."

Sinu hesitated. What was he going to say? While she waited for him to speak, Haeryeon handed Nayun a tissue.

"He seems much more fixated on missions than I thought."

Sinu had initially thought little of it. Some people could be very eager when it came to missions.

"And he seems to have been abandoned much, much more often than I imagined."

Since this was only his own impression, Sinu was extremely cautious.

"... Hmm, putting it as 'abandoned' makes me feel a little guilty toward Hyeonyul, but I don't know how else to say it."

He'd had a rough time. That was far too mild a way to describe Hyeonyul.

"I thought so too. That's how I've been seeing him all along."

Haeryeon smiled at Sinu.

"You only just figured that out?"

Nayun looked at Sinu as though he couldn't be relied upon. Nayun had thought he already knew all of this, but apparently not.

'Honestly, that's Baek Sinu for you.'

Nayun dabbed at the corners of the eyes with the tissue.

"... What?"

"I'm sorry to make the mood even... heavier, but Bro Hyeonyul doesn't seem to have much time left."

Jihwan, too, hesitated as he began to speak.

"... What?"

Sinu's eyes looked ready to pop out.

"It's true. Doctor Jeongmin told me."

Haeryeon confirmed it decisively. He had said that Hyeonyul's lifespan was inevitably short.

Sinu's expression darkened.

"I don't know how you all feel, but from the moment I invited Hyeonyul to join our team, I decided to shoulder all of that with him."

As many strengths as he had, he also had weaknesses. But wasn't that true of everyone?

"I thought he was someone our team needed, someone the Black Eagles needed. I have no intention of sending Hyeonyul back to the villains."

"Neither do I. I did have some doubts about him being a former villain at first, but I trusted you then, Team Leader, and I still do. It's also been enjoyable to gradually discover why you chose him."

Nayun's lips curved into a broad smile. Hyeonyul had made up for all the things they lacked. It was only right that they make up for what he lacked in turn.

"Of course. Bro Hyeonyul must have really... truly suffered a lot there. I make plenty of mistakes myself. Would it make any sense to dislike him over something like this?"

Jihwan clenched a fist resolutely and set it on the desk. If they were talking about shortcomings, he probably had more.

"Even if he said he wanted to leave, I'd do everything I could to stop him. You all left me feeling lonely by not sharing what you were thinking, but I'm glad to know we feel the same way."

Sinu raised a hand slightly, looking disgruntled. They should have shared it with him anyway. How unfair.

"Hyeonyul isn't the only one I consider special. Every one of you is special to me. So let's work through things one at a time."

Delighted by everyone's words, Haeryeon smiled.

* * *

Hyeonyul opened his eyes. A familiar ceiling came into view.

"... Did I collapse?"

"Are you all right?"

Jeongmin came rushing over.

"Yes. I'm perfectly fine."

Hyeonyul raised his hand, clenched it into a fist, then opened it. It worked properly. That meant he was fine.

"Doctor. It seems the shock was greater than I expected."

He didn't know how to describe it. Hyeonyul turned to look at Jeongmin, wondering whether Jeongmin might show some emotion on his behalf.

"Of course it was. Do you even need to say that?"

"Emotions that were too difficult came flooding in. I struggled both to understand them and to accept them."

"... That bastard who said he knew you. Is he dead?"

"Yes. I killed him without knowing anything. I should have made a shallower cut. It was my mistake."

Hyeonyul calmly admitted his mistake. The emotions that had overwhelmed him before he collapsed were no longer there.

"How much longer do I need this?"

Hyeonyul pointed to the IV. A mistake had occurred during the mission. That, too, was his mistake. He needed to at least explain himself.

"It's all right."

"What is all right?"

"Team Leader Haeryeon said you should finish the IV and then go home for the day."

"... Am I going home for the day? Or have I been expelled?"

Hyeonyul asked, fearing the worst. Collapsing during a mission was serious enough that one had to be prepared to die.

"You're going home for the day."

"Really?"

Hyeonyul asked in surprise.

"Hyeonyul."

"Yes."

"They aren't going to throw you out here."

Jeongmin smiled gently.

"You don't know that. I must not be thrown out. I cannot be thrown out."

It might have been different if he'd never known, but now that he had enjoyed the benefits, he couldn't go back to his old life. Anyone would feel that way.

Hyeonyul gripped the blanket.

"Hyeonyul. Let's give you a little room to breathe. Keeping yourself on edge like that leads to overwork too. You said you hated a life of overwork."

"I did say that. ... But, Doctor."

"Yes, Hyeonyul?"

"I told them. I told them he was someone who knew me in the past."

"You did, Hyeonyul?"

"Yes."

"You...?"

"I told them. Even if I wasn't in a sound state of mind, I shouldn't have done that. I thought it could serve as an excuse for why I'd lost my composure, but losing my composure was itself the problem. What I said only exposed my weakness."

To become a Black Eagle, he'd thought he needed something that would appeal to them beyond the fact that he had been a villain. That something was his history as a test subject.

He had wanted them to pity him. Whether it was sympathy or something else, he'd wanted to sway them. That fact in itself hadn't been a weakness for him.

But this incident was different.

"Why... did I do that?"

Hyeonyul wondered. It wasn't like him.

"I know that being useless means death. Why did I bring it up? Why did I expose my weakness?"

Even thinking it over again, he couldn't understand. His past couldn't create any common interest between him and the Black Eagles. It had been inefficient.

Hyeonyul waited for Jeongmin's answer. But Jeongmin suddenly laughed.

Why?

"Why are you laughing?"

"Just a moment, Hyeonyul."

"Yes."

Hyeonyul waited obediently. Jeongmin picked up his phone and called someone.

"Yes, Team Leader. Hyeonyul is awake."

The moment Hyeonyul realized it was Haeryeon, he sat up.

"... Why are you calling the Team Leader?"

"Because I think that'll reassure you."

"I believe that action puts considerable distance between me and the word 'reassurance.'"

"You've changed."

"Pardon?"

"You've changed, Hyeonyul. And in my opinion, it's for the better."

"Nothing about me has changed."

"Sure, that may be so."

Jeongmin nodded as though he had gotten the gist.

"Doctor. I don't understand when you put it that way. What has changed?"

"It might seem small to someone else, but to me, you've changed a great deal."

Jeongmin could see that Hyeonyul was letting his teammates in. Wasn't he doing something he'd never done with anyone but Jeongmin? Even if it wasn't now, the day would come when Hyeonyul realized it himself.

Hyeonyul turned his head. The call had only just been made. Was it possible to arrive so quickly?

The door swung open in haste.

"Are you really all right, Hyeonyul?"

Haeryeon approached and checked his condition.

"... Oh, I'm sorry. I was in such a hurry that I forgot my manners."

Haeryeon promptly apologized to Jeongmin. She had been rude.

"It's understandable."

Jeongmin smiled amiably and lifted a hand to indicate Hyeonyul.

"As you can see, Hyeonyul is all right."

"Is he, um... really all right?"

Since Hyeonyul didn't look happy, Haeryeon quietly asked Jeongmin.

"Team Leader. What happened during this mission was caused by my inexperience..."

Loud footsteps rang out.

"You, you—are you okay?"

At Nayun's voice, which followed, Hyeonyul tilted his head. Why had Nayun come here?

He heard more breathing and footsteps.

"You...! Rest! Understood?"

Sinu spoke between gasps for breath.

"That's right. As Sinu said, take tomorrow off, Hyeonyul. You worked really hard today. Thanks to you, we rescued the White Sparrows. They all asked us to pass along their thanks to you too."

"... Pardon?"

Hyeonyul couldn't understand Haeryeon's words.

You worked hard.

Thank you.

They were all profoundly unfamiliar words. Jeongmin was grinning, but Hyeonyul didn't notice him.

They weren't reprimanding him. What was he supposed to call this?

"Why... haven't you all gone home?"

That was all he managed to say. Anything more was too difficult.

Suddenly, laughter broke out around him.

"We were waiting for you to wake..."

"W-we were waiting for you to wake up!"

Clinging to the doorway, Jihwan barely managed to shout. Then he sank to the floor, panting. He felt as though he'd just run faster than he ever had in his life.

"... They say he really was the leader."

Jihwan grinned as he spoke.

"You got a big one, Bro Hyeonyul!"

Hyeonyul stared quietly at them. Faced with a sight he'd never seen in his life, he was speechless.

Strangely, it felt as though sunlight were pouring down.

Hyeonyul blinked, then quietly took out his medicine.

'Am I... hallucinating?'